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Category: Joke

  • Clacton By-Elections Result

    Nigel Farage had resigned from UK parliament triggering by-elections in his district, Clacton. But this was a political move triggered by investigation of parliamentary standards, so Mr. Farage was standing as a candidate in hopes to return. Among 34 candidates. Including three from the Raving Monster Loony Party. And Count Binface, who campaigns in ‘space suit’ topped by a helmet in shape of metal trash bin.

    I had hoped that Count Binface would win, because he seemed unlikely to be as destructive than the already existing politicians. I rather liked his Makerfield Manifesto points 6., 9., and 10. and while I have zero experience on gents’ toilet at the Coven & Treaty pub, Uxbridge, moving the hand-dryer into more sensible position sounds like something I could support. Though of his number 1 point, I disagree – I would not want to vote for any new taxes before we find our what happened to the previous taxes.

    Unfortunately, he came second with 9455 counted votes. Mr. Farage is going back to parliament, at least until some investigation forces him to resign (again) or UK has elections which he loses. The elections are no longer a certainty in UK, and not even necessary if rules are otherwise observed despite political upheaval, but the investigation which caused Mr. Farage’s resignation will continue when he gets back into parliament. While I approved Brexit (IMHO EU is a force of corruption and evil), current Mr. Farage gives to me a whiff of a politician past his sell-by date.

    As for the other 32 candidates, many got 10 – 50 votes, some got votes in low to mid hundreds or under 10 votes, none of the listed candidates got zero votes.

  • Hondas on Highways

    To paraphrase an old joke:

    A rusty Honda Civic had stalled on the road side. The engine did not work, the steering just allowed the car to be pushed onto the shoulder, even most of the lights were out of order – only the left blinker still worked. The driver was trying to stop someone to who might help him, and eventually a Maserati stops. The Maserati driver and the Honda driver conferred for a minute and they agreed that the Maserati would tow the Honda to the nearest gas station and if the Honda had some additional trouble, the Honda driver would turn the left blinker on.

    The towing started well, but soon the Maserati turned to a highway and a Lamborghini started flashing its lights and honking and revving next the Maserati, challenging it to a race. The Maserati driver forgetting about the Honda accepted the challenge and the race was on. The unburdened Lamborghini led but Maserati followed right behind and the desperate Honda driver was blinking furiously.

    A highway patrol sees the trio speeding well over 100 mph and radios back about his intention to chase. “There is a Lamborghini versus Maserati race going well over 100 mph, Lamborghini is leading, but then there is a rusty Honda Civic following the Maserati tightly and indicating that it wants to pass the Maserati, over.”

    The idea of a rusty Honda Civic overtaking a Maserati was supposed to be the joke, but for anyone who has driven on East Bay highways, often the fastest car to pass you seems to be a Honda Civic or a Honda Accord. These little vehicles (not all of them but the fast ones) weave along the four or five lanes finding gaps large enough to fit their car and disappear a few minutes later behind horizon. Assuming the traffic is not standing still or crawling bumper to bumper at 20 – 30 mph. I sometimes think the speed limits in Bay Area highways, especially near Hayward are aspirational.

    Also, here are a couple of unrelated jigsaw puzzles

    Pink roses (108 pieces)

    Little tree branches (108 pieces)